Monday, July 28, 2008

The Demons Inside

I think we all have our demons, things that we have to fight against. Mine would be 'putting myself out there' - sharing of myself with others with my time and talents. Even trying new things is not easy for me to do.

In the last few years I've been pushed outside my comfort zone and it has been eye opening. I've discovered for example that I like Indian food(who knew) and even after I discovered this I was adamant I didn't like chai tea, another surprise. For me though it isn't just that I have been afraid to taste new foods, I've also been afraid to do new things, meet new people and basically live life to its fullest.

A good lady recently died at the ripe age of 90. She was a marvel of a lady and only recently went into an independent senior complex. You always saw her helping out after a church function, she was the first one to get to the dishes. Always smiling - always putting herself out there. We had a nun who worked with us and she was the same way - going like there was no tomorrow. She was 90 years old and she was the one taking communion to the housebound and elderly. Nothing stopped her - it was only when her order told her to go back to the mother house that she stopped doing all her volunteer work. She was living life to its fullest.

Until I met some of these people I didn't realize that I was missing out on a lot. I was afraid to put myself out there. I think I was cocooning myself as a self-preservation mechanism. I was afraid of what would happen. I had a short time after the birth of my son where I was actually getting to the point of being afraid to go outside. It would be so easy to close myself up in my house, not say hi to the neighbour or go to events that are held.

I haven't won the battle yet. Each day I have to make a conscious decision to allow myself to take down my guard and take a bit of risk by doing new things or going to new places. I hope that when I'm gone people will be saying the same things. "She always had a smile on, she was always the first one there, so friendly." For now I'll keep trying to take risks and do new things and maybe I'll even surprise myself with what I am able to do.


  1. It is hard, but I always like being the worker bee in the background. It gets me in the action without having to coordinate it.

    Isn't it great to see active people rather than listening to the whiners of the world? Here's to getting out there everyday in some little way.

  2. This is a great post. I can relate to it on so many levels. It hasn't been until recently that I've started stepping out of my comfort zone and it's been nothing but good for me. Tough yes, but I'm really glad I 'take the chance' now. Here's to taking chances :o)

  3. Okay, so does that mean when you come to Edmonton next time, you are going to put yourself out there and meet a couple of us bloggers, you know, like Joy has. I would be happy to be of service in helping you step out and meet people;-).

    I try to live life to the fullest and not miss opportunities, but reality is, one can't do everything, and too many good things can get exhausting. I admire people who step out in whatever area they are not comfortable, and I too have my things that I have had to, and still have to step out in.